Daily Chatter

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The No More BullShit Post

It's Tuesday.  You probably knew that already.
I only mention it because that means that I should be stalking the weather and packing and re-packing for Stone Mill but instead I am still trying to figure out IF I will actually get to run it.
 
I know that most of you want to read about how great my family and friends are at supporting my insanity of running ultras.  You want to envy how easy it is for me to bang out double runs, long days on the trail and countless spring 50ks but it's time this blog got real.
 
My family is about as excited about my running as they are about having to say, clean the bathroom.  They don't really care whether or not I run.  Well, they like it when I am not a raging B but otherwise they really couldn't care less.  Because my running is really my running.  And the only time they really think about it is when my running effects their plans.  And that gets me to this coming weekend.
 
I have one, as in one single long race this fall.  I have not abused my family or friends as I may be guilty of in the spring.  But when I spent out my plea for help for Stone Mill a race for which I will only be gone over night, a race I asked if a niece could go with us, a race I am willing to drive almost 6 hours to arrange for the kids and then get to the race start, I still don't have a concrete plan.
 
I'm freaking out!
 
So why bother sharing this of all things?   Because I know that easily 90% of the blogs I read talk sunshine and rainbows about the support and help of their families.  I know that I am not the only mother runner who doesn't always have that corner filled with ever ready cheerleaders.
 
Am I?

31 comments:

  1. My wife and kids will be hanging out in the area near the race all day waiting on my slow butt. I don't want to vouch for her just yet, but she might be willing to watch the kids for you. She'll be bouncing around the course to cheer me on, but other than that, I think she's pretty open. email me if interested: xm41907@gmail.com

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    1. Thanks James for the offer! I hope to see you at the start.

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  2. Of course you're not alone in not having a family's 100% support of your running/racing.

    I don't think that anyone who has children has complete freedom with their running and racing: even tolerant, supportive spouses, family, and friends have their limits.

    Good luck trying to arrange it all this weekend, and I hope you get to run!

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  3. You are completely not alone. I can't even say I have overflowing support and dear hubby runs too and you think I would, but no. In fact, just last night he was all grumbly since he wants to run the Turkey Trot as well come T-Day and I turned to him and said, then you figure out childcare. I figured it out last weekend, your turn. He is not a happy camper. Of course, I have already ran through the go-to list in my mind and know my go-to's are not available. I was even on the verge of thinking if I had a non-running husband it would be easier.

    I really hope all works out and will keep my fingers crossed.

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    1. A non-(ultra)running husband kinda makes it easier. It's just the mega working that he does makes it harder.

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  4. You are absolutely not alone. My husband is supportive up to a point. My family is hugely supportive, but they aren't local. So, I've at times called in some pretty major favors. At others, I just didn't run.

    Sorry you are having a hard time figuring it out.

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    1. My hubbs could be discribed that way too. I wish my birth family was still geograchically close.

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  5. Boy, this sounds familiar. My husband says that it's not very fun to watch people run, especially when you just get a glimpse for a few seconds over a period of a few hours. OK, but the other side of that coin is the boost that I get from those few seconds gets me through a few more miles.
    Last winter, I consulted with him multiple times before committing to local half marathons on back-to-back weekends. About a month before the runs, he made plans for both weekends. I worried my way through inconvenient backup childcare plans the first weekend, but I made him reschedule a few hours of his plans the second weekend.
    I want to feel like the children (and childcare responsibilities) are ours and that I deserve my own pleasures.
    I hope someone steps up and shares the responsibilities with you, allowing you to focus on a great run!

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    1. I wish the children and childcare responsibilities were "ours" in my family but...I will make sure I have a solid plan well in advance in the future as much as I can.

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  6. Hope you get your bases covered and someone steps up to help.

    See you out there! I'll be working earrrrly morning registration and probably the aid station at mile 24.

    Good luck!

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    1. I'll see you Saturday morning. Hopefully after I've had a cup of coffee. Make sure I keep moving at mile 24. Don't let me lolly-gag!

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  7. It's tough enough to do what you do. Sorry you have to worry about support too. :( I hope you get it all worked out!

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    1. Thanks! My birth family stepped up and helped me work it out.

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  8. Hope you can get it figured out. You aren't alone, even among the non-mother runners!

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    1. Thanks Abbi! Can you believe it's Wednesday evening! Ekkkk!

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  9. My husband doesn't run at all and he totally doesn't get my desire to run ultras. His, like yours, is supportive to the point where my running doesn't put him out too much. I only have one little one so I can only imagine what you have to juggle to get stuff done! I always have to arrange for a babysitter and that includes getting/picking up my son from there even if it would be more convienient for him to do so. I particularly try to avoid races where I have to travel because it is nearly impossible (or extremely stressful) to make things work.

    It is really tough sometimes. I see why most female ultrarunners are childless or have older more self-sufficient children.

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    1. Thanks! It's nice to know that I am not alone in the struggle to balance personal goals with family personalities.

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  10. Sounds like my family sometimes. Actually my boyfriend is very supportive, and while he doesn't run, he is there when I do races. But everyone else? They could care less. Why are you doing that? Why are you eating that? Why wake up so early? etc. I don't have kids so I cannot even begin to imagine all the juggling you have to do to make this happen. But hang in there and take a deep deep breath. Sending best wishes.

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  11. Hi. I've been reading your blog ,and I enjoy it. Sorry to hear that you aren't living with your cheerleaders. You definitely have a ton online. My family is supportive and any away races become "running vacations." With those everyone is getting a little joy out of it.Where is Stone Mill located? Can there be a reason for them to go ( including seeing their mom triumph, of course)?

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    1. I think I just needed to give voice to the frustrations of those who don't have the support they wished they did. This race just happened to fall when work obligations keep hubbs from helping with the kids.

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  12. Sorry to hear this! I will be thinking of you and hoping everything works out! I have a strong feeling it will all come together in the end.

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    1. I'm glad you kept that positive thinking going. The Plan is in place! Stone Mill take 2, here I come!

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  13. Ha! No sunshine & rainbows over at the tootallfritz blog! I can't even talk about running at home or it results in a fight. I started the blog to talk freely about the things I enjoy and encourage others who may not get the support at home.

    I won't get into all the dirty details of my situation in your comments section but let it suffice to say that hubby hates me and my running. He has been thankful for a recent injury (was so bad that I couldn't walk), he threatens divorce if I don't stop running, he even things I'm crazy and soooo obsessed with running that the kids are not safe with me so now he won't leave cuz of that. I basically ruin his every waking minute cuz I run or am planning a run. I do a long run on the weekends, he only gets one day off, if I go early and he has to get up with the toddler then he's pissed. If I wait til he is awake and then go I ruin the whole day in his eyes. I run about a 10th as much as I want. He even gets pissed when I workout in the house (treadmill) if he is home. He hates me. So awesome.

    Hang in there. I'd help you if possible but I'm in Chicago.

    Here's a post I did one day after getting irritated with how "happy" everyone else was with their life and there awesome supportive hubby's/family's. I never say what I want cuz I like to keep it positive but you might get the idea.
    http://tootallfritz.com/2012/02/07/no-cheerleaders-on-the-homefront/

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    1. I' can't even reply fully here! Boy does your comment sound like my life at times.

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  14. I'm in the same so-so support boat. Every time I have come back from a longer run my hubby has been mad about something. Generally he is supportive, but that is easier to do when he doesn't have to get up early, he is NOT a morning person.

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    1. I know that mad-at-you feeling the hubby can give. Sometimes I feel like I'm imagining it because I feel guilty for going but then I ask myself, Why would I have to feel guilty??

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  15. Very sorry and feel your frustration. My husband is supportive and helpful, but does he gush and get excited when I name my race plans? Or when I hit a PR? No, definitely not--I've been at this for a long time. I understand, yet it would be great to have him out there cheering me on, bringing the kids to cheer me on, etc. But I also understand how that's not exactly exciting for them. So I take what I can get and try not to complain.

    Really, really hoping you figure out your situation so that you can do this!

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    1. I think my hubbs would be more excited about things if we didn't have little kids. When the kids are older I think he might actually enjoy being a part of the ultra running support community. I'll keep my fingers crossed and the prayers going that it happens that way. ;-)

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  16. Yep, you're not alone. I don't talk about it much on my blog, but it's not rainbow and sunshine for me either. In theory they support me, but actions speak louder than words and sometimes hurt just as bad or even worse. Of course when they want support for whatever they are doing I'm just the worst mom/wife ever if I don't support them 100% (which I always do, at times at the sacrifice of my running). It's suppose to be a 2 way street....psh, yeah right. Keep pushing on. It may never get easy, but just don't give up!

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