Daily Chatter

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Can you ask for help?

Today is Day 291

Even as a child I preferred to play alone.  I didn't need anyone else to have a good time.  I did enjoy when I had playmates to join in the fun, I just didn't require their presence to play.
I am sure that my mother thought that was a wonderful quality to have as a child.  She didn't have to arrange for friends to come over to "keep me occupied."  She didn't have to spend hours playing with me.  I was just fine to find something to do on my own. 
In my adult life my independence has served me well.  When my husband has been out of the country for extended periods of time while I missed him daily and worried about his safety, I held life together at home with the kids without any problem.
But recently I have found that this quality about myself may not be such a positive personality trait.  My independent nature makes it very difficult for me to ask for help from anyone for anything.

I think LBM has inherited this same quality.  This morning while I was getting ready and loading the car for the day he was in the living room watching How to Train Your Dragon.  A movie that he had been in love with just a few months ago. 

As I walked through the house to make sure I hadn't forgotten something I noticed the tv screen was blue.  I thought, 'Great! The dvd player is broken.'  But after popping out the disc I immediately saw the problem.  LBM had taken out the disc snapped it in half and put it back into the player. 

I wonder if my habit of "doing everything" on my own did in some way cause this situation.  LBM is responsible and old enough to understand not to damage his "toys."  But maybe in his efforts to do it himself he took on a task that he isn't quite old enough to do yet. 

It makes me think about the example I am being vs. the example I think I am being.  I think independence is a valuable and needed trait but maybe those around me view my "example" a bit differently.  If nothing else it is something to consider as I continue to refine the person I am and want to be.  I'll think a bit more about what others might be actually getting out of my example instead of what I think they should be learning from me.  Do you every wonder, what are my loved ones really learning from my example?  Is it what I want them to be learning from you?

I will start, today, by asking for help with at least one thing. 
It will be a new way to teach others that I value them and their skills.  By asking for help maybe I will be able to show my family more of what I want to be teaching them by giving them a chance to get a clearer message.  Do you find it easy to accept help from others?

Because it's it a fact that we are not given more of any thing but instead we are given more opportunities to practice what we have already been given.  I am given love every day and I have been provided with people to share that love with.  I am given energy every day and I am blessed with the time to productively use that energy each day.  I am given patience every day and I am provided with many chances to practice or not that patience every day.  How would you have handled the broken dvd situation?

So while I asked LBM to help me dispose of the broken dvd, I practiced some of the patience I had been given.  You know what I think LBM and I both benefited from the lesson.


  1. It would have been so easy to get upset over the broken DVD - I give you a lot of credit for wondering how or why it might have happened, and making a lesson out of it for both you and your little guy.

    I'm currently reading "The Happiness Project" and one of the "happiness resolutions" for the year was to ask for help... amazing what a difference it can make to reach out to someone sometimes. Good luck!

  2. I'm the EXACT same way...and I totally see it in my daughter. It's frustrating, but I think it is just the way we are wired. I do think you are on to something, though...we can definitely model different behavior if we put our minds to it. On the other hand, it does have good things about it, too!

  3. What a great mom! And a good idea. I am very much the same way, so this was great for me to read!!

  4. i find it SO HARD to accept help from others. i love that you're challenging yourself to model certain behaviors for your kids. what a great mom :)

    and day 291?! you go girl!

  5. I think most people find it hard to ask for help. Your independence is a great trait, but it's great that you can also see when you need to reach out..I'm sure the little man will benefit from both. Good job mama!

  6. Yet another great post. I think that the best advice I ever got was from my friend, a mother of 12 :"Ask for help!" Once I started doing that everything got easier :) I also think independence is a valuable trait and I was just discussing this with my husband today. I was feeling bad that my 13 year old son makes his lunch for school at night (he goes to school 2x/week). I never make it. But then my husband said he used to do the same, and he turned out to be a great man and husband. So then I made sure to ask him if he still felt loved by his mom, and of course he said yes.

  7. Great post! I too am too independent for my own good most of the time. Good for you for deciding to ask for help from others. (Why is that so hard to do??)
    Cheers and happy running,